


Only Human

by GhostOfTasslehoff



Series: Who We Are In The Dark [3]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Confessions, Established Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Flash Forward, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, L is in love, L knows Light is Kira, L knows he will die, M/M, Watari's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostOfTasslehoff/pseuds/GhostOfTasslehoff
Summary: Something has been bothering L for days. Watari doesn’t ask; he knows L will tell him in his own time. Finally, in the early hours of November 5, L pays Watari a heartbreaking visit.





	Only Human

The door opened behind Watari, and he immediately turned to see L standing there, pale and shaking, a haunted look on his face.

“Ryuzaki, is something the matter? What is it?” L didn’t answer, just stood with his head bowed, eyes hidden from view. It took a moment for Watari to see the silent tears slipping down L’s cheeks, and he turned to face his charge more fully as he asked in concern, “What’s wrong?”

L shuffled forward, pain suffusing every step he took until he knelt at Watari’s feet, curled in on himself as he pillowed his head on the old man’s knees and let out a quiet, heaving sob. It made Watari’s heart clench in his chest; L hadn’t displayed such sorrow or despair since the days after his parents’ funeral, when he had been very young. He laid a gentle hand on L’s shoulder, stroking his hair like only a parent can as he let the young man sob.

Finally, L spoke, his voice a broken whisper.

“Watari… I’ve made a horrible mistake.”

“How so?” Watari asked gently, continuing his soothing ministrations. He knew better than to rush it; L would tell him in his own time. It was worrisome to see L so broken, though.

“I…” A fresh bout of tears started, and L took a deep, shuddering breath before looking up at Watari. His face was blotchy and tear stained, and his eyes were more red than tired; it was clear he had been crying for a good time before he came to Watari. “I’ve fallen in love… with the man who will kill me. Watari, I don’t know what to do.”

“With the… Light? Has something happened?"

L let out a bitter laugh and pulled away from Watari’s comforting hands, once more hunching in on himself as he haltingly began to explain. He told Watari everything – the beginning of his attraction to Light, how Light had managed to give him something he’d never had and how it had turned into so much more than he had ever expected once he stopped fighting it.

“I was able to… forget sometimes, when he did something kind for me, or when he… when he said that he loved me, that he was my suspect.” L had to stop for a moment as emotion overwhelmed him, but he managed to compose himself and continued. “I knew… that it was wrong, I knew what- that everyone would think that  _I_  was the one who manipulated  _him_ , but I didn’t care. He loved me, he wanted me, I wanted something… some  _one_  real, that I could see and touch, and open up to for once in my  _life_.”

The bitter heartbreak pouring from the young man was almost more than Watari could bear, but…  _he_ had done this to L. Not intentionally, but still. His guidance and care was what had motivated L from such an early age to seek out the puzzles of crime fighting (so to speak) to alleviate his boredom, his curiosity for knowledge, and led to his lonely, solitary existence. To that end, it was his duty to let L get this… confession, this  _accusation_ , off his chest. Even if L refused to look at him as he continued, gripping his shins as he shook with emotion.

“And now… now I look at him and see Kira looking out through his eyes again. Ever since we lost Higuchi and gained that  _damn_  notebook, he’s changed.” A shudder went through L, and he bowed his head, whispering, “And every night since… I have no  _proof…_ but I’m  _certain_  he killed Higuchi. Somehow, right in front of me. And… and every night since  _that_  night-” Another shudder. Watari wanted to reach out to comfort him, but he didn’t think L would allow it. “… He’s  _hurt_  me. He thinks he’s won, and so I’m his prize to do with as he likes. And I let him. Sometimes I even _liked_ it.” He shook his head, eyes darting to each side and then flickering across the monitors behind Watari briefly, as if searching for something or someone. “I think… I hoped that, maybe if I let him use me, the Light that I… that I lo- _that_  Light might come back to me. Maybe I could… get him to turn away from his path.”

“L…” Watari began, L’s confession filling him with dread.

“Watari, I dreamed of the funeral,” L interrupted. He finally looked up at the old man, and worse than the despair he had shown up with, now his eyes just looked… hollow. Dead. “Kira told me last night, after everything, he said, ‘I love you, L.’ And when he left, I dreamed of the church bells at my parents’ funeral. He’s  _going_  to kill me. What do I do?”

Watari was silent for a long moment, looking helplessly at L. They had planned for a great many contingencies, but this hadn’t exactly been one of them. And hearing the usually confident, oftentimes arrogant young man he cared for sounding so despondent scared him a little.

“You will do what you always do, L,” he finally said gently, reaching out to lay his hands comfortingly on L’s shoulders again. Sighing, he squeezed affectionately, trying to convey how much he didn’t judge the young man for succumbing to a very real, very human desire. “You will see the case through until you die or can prove Light Yagami is the original Kira. I followed your instructions from yesterday, and your plan to test the 13 day rule is currently being assessed. Do whatever you need to do, and I promise I will call you when I hear something.” A small, tired smile hit his face, he brought a hand to L’s hair, ruffling it slightly. “And don’t beat yourself up over falling in love. You’re only human.”

“A detective who fell in love with his lead suspect,” L said dully, lips twisting in misery.

“A young man who found his equal, who then betrayed him,” Watari countered, voice quiet. “It happens sometimes. All you can do is decide what is more important to you, and it’s not for me to judge.” Watari sighed. “I don’t envy the choice you have to make, L, but just know that I have always loved you like you were my own son. And though my heart is breaking for you, I have always been, and still am, proud of you.”

L stared at him for a long moment, his eyes filling once more with tears before he lurched up to hug Watari, burying his face in the man’s chest like a child.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and to Watari’s relief, something a little more like  _L_  came through that simple statement. “ _Thank_  you, Watari.” Pulling back, he gave a watery smile and stood up. “I… you’re right. My path is clear. I won’t let you down.”

And with that, L shoved his hands into his pockets and trudged away. Watari was grateful to see the set of L’s shoulders was a little less despairing… but he still couldn’t help the feeling that this may have been the last time he would see his ward face to face. He desperately hoped he had said enough.

**Author's Note:**

> When I first wrote Bang, I never intended it to actually spark a series of one shots. Yet, here we are. I intend for this series to be canon compliant, just a series of snapshots into the different characters and moments we weren't privy to. To that end, as I was doing some spot research into the canon timeline, and character profiles, I followed a link to one of the songs from the Death Note Musical concept album and found myself playing The Way It Ends on repeat. This is what came out of that. I'm so sorry.


End file.
